Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in vamplestatlives' LiveJournal:

Thursday, September 15th, 2005
12:54 am	UNFORGETTABLE INVISIBLES (my play) Okay guys, today's the day!!!! Unforgettable Invisibles, my senior writing/performance thesis premiers TONIGHT!!!! It's at 7:30 at the University of La Verne and runs through the 17th, stars Melody Rahbari, Tanya Wilkins, Rhiannon Cuddy and Tony DiBenedetto and is directed by David Rojas Baldizon. Come See It!!! Current Mood: ecstatic (Comment on this)
Monday, April 4th, 2005
11:29 pm	Semester of Death, or another Macbeth So I've decided that this semester is the semester of death. Each year I tell myself that I'll do less to protect my sanity- then I commit to fifteen thousand projects that stretch me beyond the plausible limit of stretchdom. I wonder sometimes if I'm double majoring because I want to, because I'm competing with someone who I'll never quite be as good as, or if maybe I'm like Macbeth and I've waded too far in blood to turn back now. I've gotten away with murder so many times now that now it comes as a surprise when something doesn't go right. I'm starting to lose my grip again, and the black ocean rises to suffocate me once more, only now the sea is red, and I can't float anymore. Current Mood: gloomy (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 13th, 2005
11:40 pm	damn movie waking life if there is no such thing as time, and if consciousness is only an illusion we create oursleves for fear that God actually exists and if all I need to do to find God or Meaning or Truth or Nirvana ie a BIG THING, is to "open my eyes" then death shouldn't be so frightening but what if we only have our one miniscule lifetime to find the BIGGER THING and when we die it's just too late cause consciousness is gone, but then if consciousness is an illusion then we are all just dreaming anyway, and not only that are all having the same dream, then we must really be connected after all, and so being alone shouldn't matter cause lonliness shouldn't even exist. so why is lonliness so tangible that it hurts? Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
12:13 am	Grr. I'm sorry, I have to vent. It really sucks to be told (pardon me- lectured) by a peer who not only treats you like a kindergartner, but tells you that you are not working hard enough when really, you're busting your ass on something that is really quite difficult. I know it seems simple, but if you want people to respect you, show a little respect to them. It makes a difference. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 26th, 2005
10:50 pm	Sinking once more It's been such a long time since I've updated, but I've been just a little busy. I'm fighting depression again, and it has something to do with Dreams Against the State ending, the madness that was the Irene Ryan fest, feeling like an idiot (especially in Music Theory) and the intense loneliness that eats at me every day. I want to be in Georgij's show, had a kick-ass audition today, and am afraid of the separation I'll feel when I'm the only one from Dreams who isn't cast. I'm just in a really bad place, and don't know how to keep from falling. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Friday, January 21st, 2005
10:59 am	THIS THURSDAY!!! DREAMS AGAINST THE STATE WRITTEN BY DEENA METZGER DIRECTED BY STEVEN KENT JANUARY 27th-30th and February 3rd-6th UNIVERSITY OF LA VERNE - LA VERNE CALIFORNIA Dreams Against the State is set at a time when the government's activity against its citizens is so extensive and extreme that dreaming, the very essence of the individual's life and spirit, is declared illegal. Six people, inhabited by the dreams and nightmares of history, in the form of seven historic characters, Charlotte Perkins Gillman, Dashiell Hammett, Rosa Luxemburg, Victor Jara, Camilo Torres, Ethel Rosenberg and 'Velvel' a last survivor of the Warsaw Ghetto, find their way to a desperate sanctuary, hoping to survive through such community. Dreams.. played for two and a half months in 40 different private and public spaces, people's homes, in community centers, churches etc., and then again at 7 States in Atlanta. Its first production was motivated by the disastrous nuclear accident at the Three Mile Island power plant, as this production speaks to the collapse of the electoral system, the Patriot Act, Homeland Security and the consequent dire threats to democracy in the United States. Written by Deena Metzger and directed by Steven Kent, the play, in this form, emerges from a thirty year friendship and creative, spiritual, political alliance that earlier had inspired them to recover and re-invent the Eleusinian Mysteries as they had been practiced for 1500 years until their suppression by the Christians in the fourth century CE. The Mysteries, and the descent into the underworld for rejuvenation and inspiration, become the invisible scaffolding of the play, as the characters take refuge in the underworld for their survival. January 27th-30th & February 3rd-5th at 7:30p.m. February 6th at 2:00p.m. Cabaret Theatre University of La Verne 1950 3rd Street La Verne CA 91750 Costs: $8 general admission, $5 staff/seniors, $3 students FOR RESERVATIONS CALL: 909-593-3511 ext 4386 Current Mood: ecstatic (Comment on this)
Monday, January 10th, 2005
11:47 pm	Dreams Against the State I am absolutely exhausted, but in a thrilling sort of way. This play, Dreams Against the State, is unbelievable. I have never felt so honored to be involved with a project in my life. This is truly a "soul making" play, and I can't believe I get to spend a month working on nothing else. I am so lucky, not only to participate, but to enjoy the company of so many other incredibly talented and intelligent individuals... Current Mood: complacent (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
9:56 pm	a new poem CRASH a girl is born into disappointment- for she will be no man and no amount of brains will ever even the field CRASH a girl’s heart breaks the first time- for not putting out is being chaste is being rare is being alone CRASH a girl gives in again- for she has learned the cardinal rule that women are weak and men are strong and crying is weak and abuse is strong and things don’t change unless CRASH we learn that we are worth it Current Mood: artistic (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 25th, 2004
12:58 am	Vegas Rocks! Dude. Vegas was awsome. I saw the BEST show in the world, Zumanity, (which was kind of like what Brecht-Fest would have been if we had acrobats and a budget :) ) And I won like two hundred bucks! One slot machine gave me 100 on one spin, and I'd only put two dollars in. Yay for fucking Vegas!!! Current Mood: energetic (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
11:46 pm	Super Bummed So Scott gave me a D+ for my voice jury. I feel like such a fucking failure. It's not all my fault and he won't admit that. Carol's students needed serious help and they didn't get it because he didn't have enough time. I hate that I want to please him so badly! Does he even know how much his approval means to us? A compliment from another teacher doesn't mean the same as one from him. WHY!! What the fuck else can I do? And he definitely does not realize that the reason I cry is because I'm embarrassed of making a mistake. There is something seriously wrong with that. That's not something that I can just switch on and off. He is a part of that. And I don't know how to fucking fix it. Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 11th, 2004
2:49 am	... Depressed again. I always seem to get like this after being around a large group of people my age. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's that I realize how much I don't really matter, and how I have no really close friends because I try to be friendly with everyone. And whenever there's a potentially great friendship or relationship, I find some way to fuck it up and end up alone again. I feel so invisible sometimes. No, I usually feel invisible. I don't know how to be a real person. A whole person. It's something I never learned. What I did learn was that I needed to take care of my family first, and not myself, which is why I get so fucking depressed. There really is no "me," just an empty shell that is really good at faking happiness. I'm sick of being lonely. God, I can't even be eloquently depressed the way I used to. If I use the word really one more time, just shoot me okay? I guess I could try to sleep. "And sleep, which sometimes shuts out sorrow's eye, steal me awhile from mine own company." Thank you Shakespeare. You always know how to say it better than I ever could. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Lost in Space, Aimee Mann (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
2:10 pm	I hate people who can't hear that they've made a mistake. I like knowing, because then I can fix it. Fuck. Just learn take it and get over yourself. I mean, it's not like I just prounce along getting in your face because you *gasp* got ONE note wrong! OH! The world will come crashing down! Woe!! Woe!! No. I asked a perfectly legitimate question, and now, I get more attitude from the diva. I hate that I can't get over being frusterated with the girl, but she really just needs to get with it. I'm done trying to talk to her as if she's in first grade. And I'm done dealing with her lazy shit. Isn't amazing that the people who do the least work are the most offended when you call them out on it? Hmm... Oh yes, and I did say 'prounce.' It's a word I made up that mixes 'prance' and 'pounce.' I rather like it. Er. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
11:00 pm	Grrrr... Goodness I've had a long day. I had a really hard test in Core 305 tonight, and then I had to stay after and watch this film that might have been really cool if I knew anything about the Virgin Mary. And yet still I'm expected to write an eight page paper and give a presentation about the issues of power in the film. I want to say, "Um, excuse me professor. I'm a Jew." But they already know that. I guess they'll just have to deal with getting a barage of questions from me, because really, everything just went right over my head. On another note. Probably the only thing that makes me mad, and I mean really really mad, is laziness. And just normal laziness is okay, I mean, who doesn't get lazy? But when you try get other people to do your work for you, that's what makes me mad. It's really hurtful to know that you've done all this work, and then someone who hasn't bothered to take responsibility for their own shit wants to take advantage of you. I just don't know how to not get infuriated when people don't do their own work and then rely on other, more responsible people to do the work for them. It's not fair. Also, if you have a problem with someone, you take it up with them. It's okay to vent with permission, but don't do it in a public place in front of other people. That's just callous and rude. Okay. I'm done. Happy Thanksgiving all! Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Loreena McKennet (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 21st, 2004
11:28 pm	... Okay, so I've learned enough to figure out how to make a picture appear. Nevermind that it's a teeney weeney lame excuse of a picture, but it is one in any case... Garrett, how will I live in this muddled world of technological and textual confusion without your hand guiding me day by day? I fucking miss you!!!!! P.S. I had some really really good cheesecake last night... You need to fucking come back to Cali so we can eat cheesecake together! I mean it! Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: Schoenberg "Verklarte Nacht" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
12:33 am	What is this?! So I must have slipped though some gap in the technological generation because I don't understand a word of this live journal crap. I'm only doing this because of Garrett and he won't even say I'm his freaking friend! Fuck technology! Give me a paper and a pen. Bah! (1 Comment |Comment on this)